ALL OF MY JOKES

Speech To The Deaf Society
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society....

Hospital Mix Up
A man was experiencing chronic infections so he took his urologist's advice and entered...

Parrot And Colors Of Underwear
Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory....

He's Gone Too Far!
This girl was riding in a car with her boyfriend. She got bored and said "Every time...

Good Old Fred
Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family...

Penis 4 a Day
What women would do if they had a penis for a day 10. Get ahead faster in corporate...

Farting Contest
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old...

Girls Night Out
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving...

Bob, The Atheletic Sperm
Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm were just swimming around,...

Ever The Opportunist
One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled...

Trust?
A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house for an early...

Proud Jamaican Father
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that...

Make Him Laugh
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar with money in it and a horse standing next...

Picking Fruit
Two guys sneak into a farmer's fruit garden and start eating the fruit. The farmer...

Sex Life Of An Electron
One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro Farad decided to try to get a cute...

Pregnant Nudist
A young girl hadn't been feeling well, so she went to her family doctor. The doctor...

Infamous Stud
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar...

Monthly Bleeding
One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having...

Popular Brands Of Condoms
Nike Condoms: Just do it. Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling. Diet Pepsi Condoms:...

A Texan With Plenty To Shout About
A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into...

Hair Style
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him...

Many Uses Of Vaseline
A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with...

Alien Sex
A newlywed couple decide that instead of going on an expensive honeymoon, they would...

Hair Spray
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds...

Who?
During a course in human sexuality, the instructor was discussing various items in...

Condom Slogans
Cover your stump before you hump. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker. Don't...

Death From Adultery
Two men meet at the pearly gates of heaven. The first man says to the second, "Hey!...

Pardon Me
A man has just checked into a hotel and is getting on the elevator when he bumps...

Life In The Country
A man was tired of the city life so he decided to move way out in the country where...

Question About Cows In Stress
At the Polish Agricultural university (P.A.U), the Professor was talking about increasing...

Care To Go Upstairs?
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. ...

Finding A Good Husband
A woman who had been twice married and divorced was fed up. Her first husband was...

Never Lie To Girls
There was a man resting and enjoying the view on the beach. He saw a little girl...

An Innocent Enough Enquiry
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes...

Thirty Times In A Row
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early...

Construction Site Sign Language
There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building....

Mafia Bookkeeper
A mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million...

Bathroom Sex
A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked...

Call In Sick
Kung Chow called his boss and said: "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick....

Tips For Older Lovemakers
Put bifocals on. Double check that you're with the right partner. Set alarm on...

Best Time To Process Your Payment
Three friends decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, So she gave the...

Tough Mice
Three mice are at a bar, having drinks, talking about how tough they are. The first...

Mypenis
Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog's name was 'Mypenis'? ...

Two Nuns
There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other...

You Reap What You Sew
A man and his wife are doing yard work. Husband says to wife, "Your butt is as wide...

Penis Vs Prick
What's the difference between a penis and a prick? A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying......

Puzzling Puddle
A brunette, red head and blonde walk into an elevator with a puddle of white liquid...

High Price Hooker
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout lady of the evening...

Fly
A fly is flying over a lake. In the lake there is a trout, he sees the fly and he...

it`s Time To Shear The Flock
The bitter winter was almost over when one shepherd confessed to the other that he...

Healing Powers
An elderly couple was watching a show where a preacher was talking about the healing...

Check Out
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down, and his fly wide open. A lady...

God And Men's Sex Lives
When the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him...

Arafat Postage Stamps
Arafat wants a postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructs his...

Wacked-Out Restaurant
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices...

Cemetery Walk
One dark night two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut...

Playing Train
There once was five year old boy who enjoyed playing with his train set. One afternoon,...

Columbia Maryland Yuppette
A prominent Columbia Maryland Yuppette had her teenage niece from New York visiting...

Potential & Reality
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help....

Condom Sizing
A man walked into the drugstore and shyly asked the pretty girl working there if...

Disposing Of Remains
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at...

Confession At Night
A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn’t in bed with her. She goes...

Going To Heaven
Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground...

Humor In The Restroom
Humor in the Restroom - The Wisdom you can find on the Walls 1. Friends don't let...

In The Dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made...

New Use for Viagra
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra....

You Need To Have A Bad Day
You Need To Have A Bad Day To Get Into Heaven It got crowded in heaven, so, for...

60 Things Not to Say...
60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2....

Hell's Totures
A guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are...

Several Affairs
First Affair There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged...

Sex Poem
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs, and what's in between Kissing...

God's Plan
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the...

Marital Sex
The three stages of marital sex: Honeymoon sex: This is where you have sex three...

Doing IT Doggystyle
Two guys are riding to work on the bus. They both see two dogs goin' at it on a lawn....

Trouble With Bull
An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and is lamenting...

The Envelopes
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds...

Brave Captain
Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who...

One Operating System
Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking...

Entering Heaven
One day, heaven is beginning to fill up (due to the population explosion), so St....

That Oughta Do It
Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young students,...

Excess Holiday Cheer
1. You strike a match and light your nose. 2. You take off your shoes and wade...

People Over 35 Should Be Dead
Here's why............ According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those...

If Logic Dictates...
A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God's existence....

Scotsman and Baseball
A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and...

Get Up Early
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he...

Smile and Make a Day
1. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every...

Pick-Up Lines Gone Wrong
If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole. How do you like your...

Classroom Quotes
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. STUDENT: Here it is! TEACHER:...

The Wish
There's three guys and they're out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue,...

Lomesome Cowboy
An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went...

Lots Of Vodka
Man goes to the bar and says "bartender, give me 7 shots of Vodka." The bartender...

High Tech Restroom
A man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time...

Mother-in-Laws
I know a mother-in-law who sleeps in her spectacles, the better to see her son-in-law...

Try Landing This
Two blonde guys were sitting around talking. After a while, the first blonde looks...

Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small...

If You Get Caught Sleeping
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk Things To Say If You...

The Vet Solves A Problem
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research...

Men Are Like...
...placemats they only show up when there's food on the table. ...mascara they...

Life Before AOL
Before AOL group sex meant the risk of STD's. Now you run the risk of getting Carpal...

Women In Space
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on...

The American And The Frenchman
An American, wearing Bermuda shorts, T-shirt, and a baseball cap, walks into a café,...

Three Men In A Bathroom
There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen and an Australian. All are at...

Digging Holes
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the...

Golfing Trip
A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar....

What Body Part Goes To Heaven First
One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and the preacher asked what part of the...

Persistant Stoner
A stoner walks into a 7-11 and asks the clerk "got any weed?" the clerk responds...

Family Reunion
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, “I hate to ruin...

Becoming a Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great...

You Bet Your Wife
A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star hotel to celebrate their...

Spell Checker
I halve a spelling checker, It came with my pea see. It plainly marks four my revue...

Some Words That Should Exist
1. ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and re fold a road...

Unreasonable Bill
A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs....

Bad Landing
Working on a small town ambulance, it was not uncommon for my husband and me to stop...

Toothbrush Salesman
A man is looking in the classified ads for a job. He notices an advertisement for...

Lost Engine
A blonde woman is driving a Porsche. She sees another blonde woman with a Porsche...

The Gambler
A woman walks into a bank one day to deposit a large sum of money. She walks up to...

What Type Of Tracks?
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close...

The Mistress
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country...

X(mas) Files Episode
Mulder: We're too late. It's already been here. Scully: Mulder, I hope you know...

Bill Gates New Watch
Scott is struggling through an airport terminal with two huge and obviously heavy...

The Tender Bite
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the...

Rude Theater Guest
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by...

A Brit, an Irishman, and a Scot
A Brit, an Irishman, and a Scot go out to a pub and order 3 pints. They each find...

A Shy Patient
A very well endowed young lady went to the doctor for her annual check up. The doctor...

The Marriage Fairy
A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday....

Blonde Bar
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After...

Photographer Works
There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all...

Wide Stance
A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor...

A Visual Demonstration
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday...

Saddam Hussein
BAGHDAD, IRAQ- April 23, 1997 - Saddam Hussein today announced his pledge to fight...

Methods Of Execution
There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander. They were...

Good Bad & Ugly
Good: You're pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: Your husband had a vasectomy...

Winter Lovers
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they...

Four Fathers
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives...

Telling Everybody
An old man wonders away from a nursing home. It is getting evening time and he...

Saddam's Chauffeur
Saddam Hussein and his chauffeur were cruisin down the I-69 highway when suddenly...

Perfect Match
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry...

Speed Trap
A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights...

Suite 16
A very young couple exhibiting signs of extreme nervousness timidly approached the...

Strange Answers on Driving Tests
The following are purportedly a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given...

His And Hers ATMs
HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN and account 4. Take cash, card...

Funeral
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual...

Hussein And Bush
Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks...

Praise The Lord
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about...

Flies
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started...

Alter Thanksgiving Day
1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they...

Oliver Twist
A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and were settling down in their...

Purchasing Power Of Burgers
Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U.S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based...

Blonde Gets Pulled Over
A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal, in a convertible sports...

Astrological After-sex Comments
Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!" Taurus: "I'm hungry pass the pizza." Gemini:...